


Crack and Groan

by TehLastUnicron



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Body Horror, Crack, Gen, Humor, Literally And Figuratively, and I know I do lol, but not really?, implied Allurance if you want, its not graphic at all just tagging to be safe, not what it seems at first lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-27
Updated: 2018-08-27
Packaged: 2019-07-03 06:41:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15813543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TehLastUnicron/pseuds/TehLastUnicron
Summary: Title fits in several ways. That’s all I’m saying. For Kendall, who inspired this.





	Crack and Groan

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Kenda1L](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kenda1L/gifts).



“ _Nh… aaahhh… ohhhh ohhhhh ooohhhhhh_ -“

Shiro, Keith and Allura all looked up sharply at the loud groans echoing through the air vent above their heads.

“Hell was that?” Keith exclaimed, looking up. “That sounded like….”

The sound started up again and cut his comment off, this time even louder. “ _Haaahhh, ohhhhh, hnnnghh… oh yes… oh Hunk_ -“ the deep, elegant voice bellowed, changing the looks of bewilderment on the faces of the trio listening to horror and disgust.

“Is that Lotor?!” Allura shrieked.

“That bastard!” Keith snarled, turning and loping down the hallway. “What the hell is he doing to our Hunk?!”

“I’m going to kill him,” Shiro growled, sprinting after Keith.

“Not if I get there first,” Allura roared, following in hot pursuit.

Three sets of footsteps thundered down the corridor, following (“ _Aaaahhh, harder! **HARDER**_!”) the source of the noise-

“Lance, too,” Lotor panted. Allura’s already furious expression bloomed into full blown rage, spurring her to outsprint the guys.

“Oh no, you don’t,” she hissed through clenched teeth as she rounded the corner… and skidded to a stop, blinking in confusion. When Keith and Shiro finally caught up to her, they too stopped dead….

Lotor was lying on the floor on his stomach, head pillowed on his forearms. Hunk was walking- no, forcefully stomping- the length of Lotor’s back. Lance, meanwhile, was standing on Lotor’s tailbone.

“Guh…” Lotor gasped. “Grind your right heel in, Hunk, right under my shoulder blade… yes, there-“ a sickening series of pops sounded and Lotor exhaled deeply. “Ohhhhh yes… now Lance, jump up and down please…” Lance was all too happy to comply, jumping with full abandon and causing another series of rather gross sounding cracks.

“Pidgeon, come here,” Lotor said quietly, stretching his arms above his head. Pidge (who the trio hadn’t noticed before) hopped off the couch and crossed the room.

“What I want you to do,” the prince told her, reaching his hands out to her, “is to sit in front of me and pull my arms upward as hard as you can. Put your feet on my shoulders if you have to…” Pidge snickered as she followed his instructions-

POP POP POP CRAAAAACK!! Shiro grimaced, Allura shuddered and Keith flapped his hands a little in disgust as the man’s body made noises that organic beings shouldn’t be making. Lance and Hunk, on the other hand, howled with laughter.

“Holy crap,” Lance cackled. “That was the best one yet!”

“Are your arms even still attached?” Hunk guffawed as Pidge stood up.

“My arms are fine,” Lotor replied, with a trace of humor in his voice. “Alright, that’s good,” he pushed himself into a sitting position. “Thank you, gentlemen, and Pidgeon.”

Allura, Keith and Shiro all stared at each other, red faced, for a moment before Allura finally said, “Oh….”

“Well,” Shiro commented, rubbing his forehead a bit, “that was… something… I guess Lotor really enjoys breaking himself? He’s a glutton for punishment, it seems.”

“Damn, I wish I’d know they were doing that,” Keith muttered. “Lotor hid my shoes the day before yesterday and made me think they’d gone out the airlock. It would have been fun to stomp around on his back a little.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Lol I told you  
> Lotor did a lot of cracking and groaning  
> This whole thing is crack and made you groan too I’m sure lol  
> This was inspired partly by a conversation with a friend who is a massage therapist and partly by that thing Lotor did (you know which thing)  
> I feel like Pidge, Lance and Hunk would have way too much fun trying to see what kinds of awful cracking and popping they could get Lotor’s body to make  
> Meanwhile Lotor being a glutton for punishment is like BEST MASSAGE EVER  
> Pidgeon as another nickname for Pidge is too cute to me  
> There’s a tiny bit of implied Allurance there yep I have no self control  
> I’d say I’m sorry but I’m not


End file.
